My City is a Third World Country
October 15, 2009
(Advisory: The following is a satirical piece. Satire is a form of humor. And as many of you know humor is a difficult concept for Vulcans and some humans. So please understand the following is a work of fiction not to be taken seriously -FOR NOW.)
WASHINGTON- In a rare show of bipartisanship the Senate with one member absent voted unanimously 99-0 to expel The City of Schenectady NY from the United States of America.
The bill declares: “The City of Schenectady New York is no longer considered a part of The United States.”
Even New York’s own Chuck Schumer approved the measure saying “This city is an embarrassment to the rest of the union. People say we in Congress are incompetent, they haven’t seen the way this city is run.”
Meanwhile the other New York Senator Kirstin Gillibrand, was the lone absentee. Gillibrand was in Sweden attending a conference for people who believe their bodies have been taken over by space aliens.
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As for how the House may vote speaker Nancy Pelosi weighed with this comment : ” Well you know (SNIFF) Schenectady is a native American word, and (SNIFF) we all know how Native Americans have been treated in this country. (SNIFF)It looks like they’re getting the shaft again because we may have to vote with the Senate on this one.”
The president’s press secretary has already stated the president may sign the measure but as he put it,
“First he wants to make a speech on Schenectady’s public access channel hoping the president’s speech making powers will turn the city around. However, even God has his limitations.”
Meanwhile an unnamed United Nations official has stated as soon as the resolution is passed the UN will declare Schenectady a third world country and send aide to the besieged city.
As for official reaction from the Schenectady School Board or their police department they were unavailable for comment. Rumor has it they were in a back room somewhere, smoking police confiscated crack and shredding documents.
As for the public’s reaction one resident said, “We’re finally getting the help we need!”
“At last real hope and change,” said another.
There you have it folks, my city is now a third world country.-Back to you Bill.